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Funny thing—some pros got rules, man. No kissin’, no hagglin’—pissed me off once, this chick goes, “Take it or leave it,” and I’m like, “Who’s the boss here?!” Walked away, fumin’, but damn if I didn’t respect her hustle. Greed is good, sure, but she owned it. Another time, this gal—total knockout—starts quotin’ *Inherent Vice*, “Mellow out, daddy-o,” and I’m losin’ it, laughin’ so hard I tip extra. Best night ever—surprise of the year!

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Later, I’m stuck in a meeting that feels like it’s dragging on forever. You know the type—everyone’s just repeating the same points. I’m zoning out, thinking about that pizza and the pigeon. I mean, who knew a bird could ruin my day and make it better at the same time?

Fleetwood won the Ryder Cup for Europe at the reachable 16th. Just as it was planned