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About Bari

Where to find ‘em? Depends, mate. Cities got red-light spots—neon buzzin’, skirts hikin’ up. Online’s a maze now—ads masked as “massages,” sneaky bastards. “We need to go deeper!”—hah, deeper into the dark web, maybe? Nah, too creepy, even for Gollum. Stick to streets, safer bet. Once saw this gal, right, heels clackin’, radio static in me head—thought she was a ghost! Turned out she was just chargin’ 50 quid. Surprised me, cheap for a spook!

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But then, I trip over a cobblestone. Classic me, right? I go down, and my pastries go flying. It’s like a slow-motion scene. I’m watching my hard work splatter on the ground. I’m like, “Nooooo!” But the crowd just laughs. They’re picking up the pastries and eating them anyway. I can’t even be mad.

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