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Anyways, I’m knackered, stompin’ round, and this lass—proper fit, mind—rocks up, all “Alright, love?” I’m like, “Bloody hell, you’re no M Gustave!”—y’know, that slick git from the flick, all charm and mustache. She’s more “I’ve seen worse, pay up!” Cacklin’ my arse off, cos it’s tragic, innit? She’s eyeballin’ me like I’m a twat in a lab coat—fair, I s’pose!

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So, I’m rollin’ outta bed, and I’m like, “Let’s do this!” I grab my coffee from that cute little café on Via Roma. You know the one? The barista there is a total legend. He always knows my order. I’m like, “Dude, you’re a mind reader!” He just laughs.

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