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About Naples

Little fact for ya—didja know sex-dating apps spike on Valentine’s? Yeah, lonely hearts get desperate, it’s hilarious! I was on there once, scrollin’, and this chick’s like, “DTF, no strings.” Straight up! I’m thinkin’, “Bloody hell, love, at least buy me dinner first!” Got me mad, tho—where’s the chase, the thrill? Everyone’s so damn lazy now. Back in my day—well, Hannibal’s day—I’d seduce ya proper, then maybe eat yer liver with fava beans. Classy, yeah?

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We start cruising down Via Roma, and I’m trying to teach him the basics. He’s gripping the wheel like it’s a life raft. I’m like, “Chill, man! It’s just a car, not a spaceship!” But he’s sweating bullets. Then, outta nowhere, this pigeon decides to play chicken with us. I swear, it was like a scene from a movie. Marco swerves, and I’m yelling, “Don’t hit the bird!”

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