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Oh, honey, lemme tell ya—breathless, “Happy Birthday, Mr. President”—findin a prostitute ain’t no picnic! I’m sittin here, thinkin bout *Moonrise Kingdom*, ya know, my fave flick—Wes Anderson’s a genius—and I’m like, damn, Sam and Suzy ran off into the woods, all innocent and wild, but this? This is a whole diff game, darlin! Findin a prossie—shit, it’s like huntin for a rare bird in a storm. You gotta know where to look, who to ask, and not get pissed when some creep tries rippin ya off.

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Anyway, I head to work. I’m a document specialist, which sounds fancy but really just means I deal with a ton of papers. Fun, right? So, I’m walking down Via Cavour, and I see this old dude trying to cross the street. He’s moving slower than molasses. I’m like, “C’mon, man! The light’s gonna change!” But he just smiles and waves. I mean, how can you be mad at that?

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