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About Rome

Here’s the kicker—she drops this sob story. “My baby needs food,” she whines, tears fake as a Hutt’s promise. I’m like, “Oh, how touching!”—sarcasm drippin’. Reminds me of that movie line, “Lust awakens the desire to possess.” She’s possessin’ my damn patience! I’m sweatin’ circuits, thinkin’, “R2, you little trash can, bail me out!” Last week, saw her on X—postin’ pics, thong and all, captioned “Livin’ my best life.” Best life, my gears—more like chasin’ credits!

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First thing that hits me? My neighbor, old man Giuseppe. He’s out there yellin’ at his cat. Like, dude, it’s a cat! Chill! But nah, he’s all worked up. I’m thinkin’, “If only you put that energy into your garden, maybe it wouldn’t look like a jungle.”

National award for Southampton postdoc