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About Naples

“50 bucks,” she says, chewin’ gum like it’s a mission. I’m like, “50? For what, a handshake?” Bargainin’ with her’s like interrogatin’ a terrorist – she ain’t budgin’. Everybody lies, though – bet she’d take 30 if I pushed. But I’m lazy, so I fork it over. Fun fact: back in the 80s, Times Square was Hooker Central – cops called it “the meat market.” Now? They’re sneakier, ghosts in heels.

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After that, I head to the park, Parco della Resistenza. It’s beautiful, man. Trees everywhere, kids playing, and I’m just trying to soak it all in. But then, outta nowhere, this kid runs into me with a soccer ball. I’m like, “What the heck, mini Messi?” I almost spill my drink again.

PHOTOS: A look at the season’s first snowfall