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Funny bit—some profiles say “no hookups,” lol! Liars! Sex-dating’s *all* hookups, duh! Sarcasm aside, it’s a jungle. Met a chick who brought her parrot—squawked dirty words! Nearly died laughin’. “You don’t know me,” I told her, Jesse-style. She winked—night got crazier. Exaggeratin’? Maybe! But that’s the thrill, pals!

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Then, I get this call from a guy on Via delle Ville. He’s all like, “My wife’s mad at me!” I’m like, “Dude, that’s not a phone issue!” But he spills his whole life story. Apparently, he forgot their anniversary. Classic move, right? I’m just sitting there, rolling my eyes, thinking, “You should’ve just taken her to Ristorante Da Marco. They have the best lasagna!”

Obituary information for Giuliano Julian Italo PANATTONI