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What gets me vexed, tho, is the judgin’. Peeps be like, “Oh, escort’s dirty!” But bruv, it’s a gig! Some bloke in Japan, right, he hired an escort just to watch *Godzilla* wiv him – no funny biz, just vibes. Made me happy, that. Shows it ain’t always sleazy, ya feel? Tho, I was shocked when I heard ‘bout this one escort in the 80s – gal got paid to dress as a nun and scare off a dude’s ex. Mental, innit? Proper *Moonrise Kingdom* madness – “This is our land!” – but wiv a habit and a paycheck.

Donna cerca uomo Urbino.

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Then I head to work. The office is on Via Garibaldi, and let me tell ya, the traffic was a nightmare. I mean, who knew Calcinelli could get so congested? I’m stuck behind this old lady driving like she’s in a Sunday stroll. I’m yelling, “C’mon, Nonna! Let’s move it!” But she’s just vibing to her old-school tunes. I can’t even.

COMPETRINI, Elio