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Alright, listen up, you little bastards! I’m Eric Cartman, industrialist genius, and I’m gonna tell ya ‘bout findin’ a prostitute, ‘kay? RESPECT MY AUTHORITAH! So, I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’ ‘bout my fave movie, *Moonrise Kingdom*, that sweet-ass Wes Anderson flick, and it hits me—findin’ a hooker’s like Sam and Suzy runnin’ off to bang in the woods, but with more cash and less scout badges, ya know?

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So, I’m walking down Via Garibaldi, trying to shake off the bird bomb, when I get a call. It’s my boss. “Hey, we got a situation at the mine.” Great. Just what I needed. I hop on my scooter, zipping through the narrow streets. Belvedere’s got these tight alleys that feel like a maze. I swear, I almost took a wrong turn at Piazza della Libertà.

1 person injured after Belvedere home fire