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Oh, and here’s a kicker—some old-timey prossies used to dye their hair with lead. Poisoned ‘emselves for that blonde look! Insane, right? Makes me chuckle, thinkin’ this gal’s prob got better tricks up her sleeve. We’re hagglin’ now—price is steep, but I’m feelin’ wild. “I find you fascinating,” I mutter, straight outta *Shame*, and she rolls her eyes. Fair.

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I’m like, “C’mon, phone! Just a few more pics!” But nope, it shuts down. I’m standing there, feeling all dramatic. “Why, universe? Why?”

Obituary: Barbara Ann Small Wilcox Lyons