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Yo, dude, it’s Bart Simpson here – Eat my shorts! So, like, findin’ a prostitute, man, it’s wild, ok? I’m thinkin’ bout *Spring Breakers*, my fave flick, ya know? “This is the fuckin’ American dream!” – that vibe. Like, me, cruisin’ Springfield, lookin’ for some action. Not that I’d pay for it, duh, I’m too cool. But, like, real talk – it’s everywhere if ya squint.

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But then, outta nowhere, it starts pouring. I mean, like, monsoon-level rain. We dash outside, and I’m slipping all over the place. I’m laughing, but also cursing the weather gods. “Really? You couldn’t wait five minutes?”

Avella Jr. High School honor roll