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I got mad, tho—some sites? Total scams! Fake pics, fake promises—pissed me off! One ad said “classy lady, discreet,” and I’m like, “Yeah, right, more like a kick in the head!” But then—ha!—I found this old story. Back in the ‘90s, Springfield had this secret brothel run outta a donut shop. Mmm… donuts. Cops didn’t even notice! Too busy eatin’—like me! Made me laugh so hard I nearly choked on my coffee.

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But then, I see this old lady struggling with her groceries on Via dei Fiori. I rush over, because, you know, good karma and all that. I help her, and she’s super grateful. She starts telling me about her life in Arpino. She’s lived here forever! She talks about the festivals, the food, and how the town used to be. I’m just standing there, totally captivated.

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