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*deep growl* I am your father. Funny thing—some joints hide it, call it “therapy.” Wink-wink, yeah right. Cracks me up, the sneaky bastards. Prolly what Bigfoot’d offer at his “spa”—hairy paws kneadin ya. Had this thought—imagine Vader givin one? Metal hands, cold as Hoth—nah, scratch that, nightmare fuel. Still, sexual-massage got power. Releases tension you didn’t know was there. “What we’re dealing with here is flat-out weird,” Doc’d mutter, and he’d be right. It’s messy, sloppy, glorious. You tried it yet? Go for it—just don’t get ripped off. *ominous chuckle* I am your father.

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So, yeah, that was my day in Vittoria. Full of ups and downs, but I wouldn’t trade it for anything. Just another day in the life of a librarian, right?

Leonardo DiCaprio to celebrate a big milestone with his girlfriend Vittoria Ceretti