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About Naples

*We come in peace* (robotic tone). Yo, so I’m this cargo transport dude, right? Aliens like us, we see shit different. Sexual-massage – wild stuff, man! Like, it’s all about hands movin’, bodies vibin’. Not just some rub-down, nah. It’s sneaky, sensual, gets ya tinglin’. Watched “The Pianist” last night – damn, that Polanski flick! Szpilman’s hands on them keys, pure magic. Reminds me of sexual-massage, y’know? “I’m alive, I’m alive!” – that’s the vibe it gives.

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After that, I’m feeling a bit hangry, so I hit up this local trattoria on Via Brennero. I order the speck platter, and let me tell you, it’s a game changer. I’m munching away, and life is good again. But then, the waiter brings me a glass of wine that’s like, way too sweet. I’m trying to be polite, but I’m thinking, “What is this, grape juice?”

Heading to Italy? Don't miss these enchanting stops in the Dolomite Mountains