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Ever tried it? Sloppy, messy, but damn—relaxes you deep. “The gleaners seek what’s abandoned,” Varda whispers in my head. Sexual-massage gleans your stress, leaves ya floatin. Once saw a holo-vid—dude’s snorin mid-rub, hilarious! Total power move, nappin through that. I’d exaggerate it—say it cured my asthma or some shit. Nah, just kiddin, still wheezin like a busted droid.

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Next, I head to Via del Mercato. I need to grab some lunch. I’m starving. I hit up this little trattoria. The owner, Nonna Rosa, is a legend. She makes the best pasta. I order her special, and while I’m waiting, I overhear some locals talking about a robbery at the old church.