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I tried it once—oh man, awk-warrrd! Lady’s like, “Relax, Michael,” and I’m sweatin’ bullets! Happy? Hell yeah, felt like a king! Angry? Only when she stopped—five more minutes, c’mon! Surprised me how it’s legit therapy too—not just sketchy ads. Pro tip: dim lights, soft music—sets the mood, boom! “That’s what she said!”—can’t help it, it’s gold!

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But then, outta nowhere, I hear this loud crash. I turn around, and some dude just knocked over a whole stand of olives. Like, seriously? Who does that? The vendor is losing it, yelling in Italian, and I’m just standing there, trying not to laugh. It’s like a scene from a movie.

Watch Dogs director Mathieu Turi posts a promising update about the game’s live-action adaptation