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What pisses me off? The fakes, yeah! “I’m an escort,” they say, but nah – just Instagram slags with no class. Makes me wanna scream, “Idiot sandwich!” Holy Motors gets it, right? “We do it for the show!” – that’s escort in a nutshell. All performance, mate, but some can’t even act! Useless pricks.

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After the rain, the sun pops back out. Typical Trentola-Ducenta weather, right? I’m finally gettin’ my raft ready when I hear this loud commotion. Turns out, it’s a bunch of kids from the scuola elementare on Via Napoli. They’re havin’ a water balloon fight! I can’t help but laugh. They’re runnin’ around, squealin’, and I’m thinkin’, “Man, I wish I could join!”

Trentola Ducenta: They steal a moped from a parking lot, but are caught by cameras. A 50-year-old and a 49-year-old reported