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Sex-dating’s a jungle, bro! You got Tinder, Bumble, freaky lil’ FetLife if you’re nasty. I’m tellin’ ya, it’s a hustle – “You’re in or you’re out,” like César says in the movie. You gotta know the game. Met this chick once, profile said “loves hikes,” turns out she meant “hikin’ up her skirt” – surprise, Rock! Laughed my ass off, but damn, that’s clever. Little known fact: 1 in 5 profiles got fake pics – stats I dug up. Pissed me off, man! People lyin’ like that? Weak sauce.

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So, I’m standing there, fuming, when I notice this cute little piazza, Piazza Duomo. The cathedral is just stunning, right? I mean, the way the sun hits those old stones? Pure magic. I took a deep breath, tried to chill. But then, bam! A pigeon poops right next to me. Like, really? Is this how my day’s gonna go?

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