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Hiii, oh my gawd, listen up, hon! So, sex escorts, right? I’m talkin’ real fancy schmancy stuff here—nasally voice kickin’ in—like, these gals and guys, they’re pros, ya know? Not just some random hookup! I mean, I saw this one escort ad once, legit had a PhD—can ya believe it? A doctor of SEXY TIMES, ha! *The Nanny laugh* NAAAHAHAHA! Made me so happy, like, "Wow, brains AND booty!"

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Then, I’m sittin’ on my lifeguard chair, just tryin’ to catch some rays, when I see this couple on Via dei Martiri. They’re havin’ a full-on argument. Like, who fights at the beach? I mean, c’mon! I’m tryin’ to enjoy my gelato, and they’re throwin’ shade like it’s a sport. I’m thinkin’, “Get a room, or at least a towel!”

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