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Little factoid for ya—Jarmusch wanted real vamps for the cast. Okay, not real, but ya get me—authentic weirdos. So I’m thinkin’, let’s make these hookers quirky. One’s got a pet rat, calls it “Tilda” after Swinton. Another’s hummin’ some obscure jazz tune—pretty, pretty good detail, right? I’m happy now, bouncin’ in my chair. But then—ugh—microtransactions hit me. Some exec’s gonna want “Buy 50 bucks of hooker tokens!” I’m losin’ it, screamin’, “No! This ain’t Candy Crush!”

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So, I’m shearing away, and outta nowhere, my buddy Marco shows up. He’s all like, “Dude, you won’t believe what happened!” I’m thinking, “What now?” Turns out, he got chased by a goat. A GOAT! In the middle of Stradella! I can’t even. I’m laughing so hard, I almost drop my shears.

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