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But here’s the kicker—did ya know sexual-massage can lower your cortisol? That’s the stress juice those fat cats want us drownin’ in! Science says it, not me—tho I’d say it too. Had this one masseuse, right, she was like Furiosa, fierce as hell, hands movin’ like she’s stealin’ your soul—but in a good way. “Witness me!” I’m thinkin’, ‘cause it felt that epic.

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So, I roll up to the beach at Lago Maggiore, right? The sun’s blazin’, and I’m thinkin’, “This is gonna be chill.” But nah, not even close. First off, I’m settin’ up my stuff on Lungolago, and I see this kid, like, 10 years old, runnin’ around like a maniac. He’s got a water gun, and he’s sprayin’ everyone. I’m like, “Dude, chill! You’re gonna drown someone with that thing!”

Italy: Agents die when boat capsizes on Lake Maggiore