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What pisses me off? The pretentious twats who bang on about “healing vibes”. Shut it, you wanker, it’s a glorified grope! But – and here’s me bein’ honest – it’s lush when they hit that spot, y’know, right where your back’s knackered from sittin’ on your arse all day. Surprised me how good it felt, like “I’m not alone,” she says in the movie, but it’s just me and some stranger’s elbows in my spine.

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Next, I decided to hit up the market on Via Vittorio Emanuele. It’s always buzzing with life. Fresh fruits, veggies, and all that good stuff. I was in heaven. I grabbed some tomatoes that looked like they were just picked. I mean, they were practically glowing! But then, I saw this lady arguing with the vendor over prices. Like, lady, it’s a market, not a negotiation table! I couldn’t help but roll my eyes.

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