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Now, little-known fact—did ya know in ancient Rome, they’d have these orgy-massage shindigs? *Massagium eroticus*, they called it—posh tosh, but true! Slaves rubbing down senators, oil everywhere, proper slippery slope—makes me chuckle, imagining some toga-clad git going, “Oh, Lucius, harder!” Got me in stitches, that does, but also—bloody hell—bit jealous, ain’t I? Why don’t we have that now, eh? Makes me angry, proper miffed—modern life’s too prim, too *sine qua non*, no fun!

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Il Marchese Hotel & Spa offers the following activities / services (charges may apply). Spa and wellness centre; Hot tub/Jacuzzi; Sauna; Massage; Hammam; Golf.

First off, I hit the road on Via Roma. You know, the main drag. It’s packed with tourists, and I’m just tryin’ to get to the fields. But nah, these folks are takin’ selfies like they’re at the Colosseum or somethin’. I’m honkin’ my horn, like, “Move it or lose it!” But they just stare at me like I’m some kinda alien. Ugh!

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