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I tried it once—yep, frog legs and all! This chick’s profile? Total smokeshow. Bio said “loves green guys.” I’m like, score! We vibe online, she’s flirty, I’m drooling. Then bam—meetup’s a disaster. She thought I’d be, uh, *human*. “What’s reality, anyway?” I mutter, quoting Doc Sportello. She bolts, I’m pissed. Dating apps lie, man! False textures everywhere.

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After lunch, I had to run to the post office on Via della Repubblica. I was in a hurry, and of course, there was a line. Like, why is there always a line? I was tapping my foot, getting more and more impatient. Finally, I got to the counter, and the lady was super nice. She even complimented my jacket! I was like, “Thanks, but I spilled coffee on it.” She laughed, and for a moment, I forgot about the stress.

An exhibition in Milan on the restoration of Antonio Campi's monumental masterpiece that inspired Caravaggio, according to Longhi