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About Milan

So, I tried dis once, right? In some shady joint—total secret spot, like da kitchen in da movie nobody knows about. Dis chick, she’s rubbin’ me down, and I’m thinkin’, “Dis is da big leagues!” Felt like a Terminator gettin’ polished, ya know? But den—BOOM—some idiot next door starts hammerin’ somethin’! Ruined it! I was so pissed, I almost yelled, “Get to da choppa!” But nah, kept it cool. Still, dat massage? Made me happy as hell—like Remy tastin’ food for da first time, “A great meal is an adventure!”

Borghi Siciliani: Santa Caterina Villarmosa (Caltanissetta)

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So, I’m walkin’ to the church, dodging tourists and their selfie sticks. Seriously, how many pics do you need of the Chiesa Madre? It’s beautiful, don’t get me wrong, but c’mon! Anyway, I finally get to the church, and there’s a line. A long one. Like, what’s the deal? Turns out, it’s a wedding. And guess who’s officiating? Yep, yours truly.

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