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So I’m watchin’ *Tabu*, my fave flick—Miguel Gomes, genius—there’s this line, “She moves like a shadow.” That’s sexual-massage, man! Slow, mysterious, creepin’ up on ya. You’re lyin’ there, some stranger’s hands all over, and I’m like—am I relaxed or just paranoid? Biochemistry says it’s good—endorphins poppin’ off—but my neurotic ass is screamin’, “Germs! Too close! Abort!” Pretty, pretty hilarious, right?

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Finally, I head home, and I’m just done. I flop onto my couch, and I’m like, “What even was today?” It was a rollercoaster of emotions. Happy, sad, angry, surprised—like a whole soap opera in one day.

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