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Here’s the thing, though—it can be therapeutic, I guess. Some say it relieves stress, boosts libido, all that jazz. But me? I’d be too busy making sarcastic comments in my head. “Oh, great, now my elbow feels sexy. Thanks!” Pretty, pretty good for some, but for me? Nightmare fuel.

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Suddenly, the guy storms out, and the girl starts crying. I’m like, “Dude, what’s wrong with you?” But then, she looks at me, and I’m like, “Uh-oh, don’t cry on me!” I try to cheer her up, telling her about Gino’s antics. She laughs, and for a second, I feel like a hero. But then she asks if I have a pig for sale. I’m like, “Lady, I just had a rough day!”

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