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Aight, fam, listen up! Me, an ichthyologist, yeah, fish bloke, talkin’ sex-dating – bare madness innit! I’m proper gassed to chat this, ‘cos it’s wild out there, like fish matin’ in the deep. Sex-dating, bruv, it’s all apps, swipes, and dodgy pics – Tinder, Grindr, whatever, yeah? Makes me vexed tho, so many catfish – ironic, innit, me knowin’ actual fish! Like, is you real or just scales and lies? “Is it ’cos I is black?” – nah, it’s ’cos peeps be fakin’ it!

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Offering a garden, a shared lounge and free WiFi, La caldera is a recently renovated bed and breakfast 24 km from Ercolano Ruins and 25 km from Naples.

Anyway, the event kicks off. The crowd’s wild, and I’m in my zone. But then, disaster strikes! One of the bulls gets loose. I mean, it’s like a scene from a movie. People are runnin’, screamin’, and I’m just standin’ there like an idiot. I finally snap out of it and jump into action.

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