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Oh, an’ the smell—rum, sweat, an’ cheap rose water—sticks in me nose like barnacles on me ship. Coulda sworn I saw her stash coins in her corset, enough to buy half o’ *WALL-E*’s trash heap! Funny, innit? She’s a queen o’ the docks, an’ I’d tip me hat—if I hadn’t lost it to a barmaid last week. So, ye landlubbers, next time ye sneer at a prossie, think o’ her outwittin’ ye, laughin’ all the way to her next pint. Savvy?

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But then, the lights flicker back on, and I see my phone. I’ve got a million notifications. Turns out, I missed a family dinner. My mom’s not happy. I can already hear her voice in my head, “You never come home!” Ugh, guilt trip central.

Did you know Corning has a sister city in Italy? Delegation set to make long-awaited return