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I tried it once, y’all—lordy, was I nervous! Big ol’ me, sprawled out, thinkin’, “Dolly, you’re too chunky for this!” But them hands? Soft as a kitten’s purr, slidin’ over me, and I’m meltin’ like ice cream in July. Made me happy as a pig in mud! Then I got mad—why ain’t this in every dang town? Folks need this! Stress’d kill ya faster than a rattlesnake bite. *“I killed, I killed!”*—that’s what them boys in the movie said, all proud-like. Me? I’d rather die from too much massage than too much hate.

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Then, I bump into my buddy Marco. He’s always got the craziest stories. He tells me about this time he got lost in the vineyards near Via San Bartolomeo. I’m like, “How do you get lost in a vineyard?” But it’s Marco, so I just nod and laugh.

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