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Last week, right, I’m pondering this, half-pissed on a pint, and I reckon—why ain’t this in the NHS? Imagine the queue! “Oi, doc, me back’s knackered, chuck in some erotic-massage!” Nurses’d be fuming, but patients? Grinning like loons. Gets me all tingly just thinking it. Oh, and the smells—lavender, mate, or maybe something spicy—hits ya like a whiff of Llewyn’s folk tunes, all mellow then *wham*, seductive as hell.

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Finally, I make my way to the old church on Via San Francesco. It’s quiet there. A little peace in the chaos. I sit on the steps, just breathing. But then, I hear this loud crash. I jump up, thinking it’s something serious. Turns out, it’s just a bunch of kids playing soccer. They kicked the ball right into a fountain. Water everywhere!

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