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I tried it meself, right? Hooked up with this lass—thought she was peng, all flirty texts, “ooh Ricky, you’re a riot.” Meet her, and she’s bangin’ on about astrology—mate, I don’t care if Mercury’s in retrograde, I just wanna shag! *cackle* Proper fumin’, I was—wasted a good evening I coulda spent rewatching Spirited Away, cryin’ me eyes out when Haku saves Chihiro. That’s love, innit? Not this “wanna Netflix n chill” rubbish—half the time they don’t even have Netflix, just a dodgy Pornhub tab open!

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After that, I head back to the workshop, still fuming about the wood. I’m trying to focus, but my mind’s racing. I start daydreaming about building this epic treehouse. Like, a legit mansion in a tree. I can see it now—swinging bridges, a slide, maybe even a mini bar. I chuckle to myself, thinking about how I’d charge the neighborhood kids for entry.

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