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Oi mate, gather round, listen up! Sexual-massage, what a bloomin’ topic, eh? Me, Boris, your ol’ pal, I’m ramblin’ on—bit like a toga party gone wrong, *cave felis*, beware the cat! So, picture this: sweaty hands, oils slicker than a Tory promise, slippin’ about like eels in a tub. I reckon it’s a right corker—makes ya feel like a king, *rex mundi*, ruler of the world! Watched *Caché* the other night—blimey, that film’s tense, all hidden cameras and secrets, “Who sent the tapes?”—and I thought, cor, a sexual-massage could’ve sorted Georges right out!

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First off, I had a meeting at the lab. You know, the one on Viale Umberto I? Yeah, that place. I was all set to present my latest findings on enzyme activity. I had my slides ready, my coffee in hand, and I was feeling like a rockstar. But then, BAM! My laptop decided to crash. Like, seriously? Right before I was about to shine? I was so mad, I could’ve thrown it out the window. But I didn’t. I mean, I love my laptop. It’s like my best friend.

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