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Lemme drop a lil’ story, true shit. Heard ‘bout this escort back in ‘98, LA streets, right? She was rollin’ wit’ some music exec, big shot, all flash. But get this—dude was broke as fuck, usin’ her to flex for investors! She clocked it, flipped the script, started chargin’ double. Smart as hell, yo. Made me happy as a mothafucka—love a queen who outsmarts the clowns.

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I’m getting angrier by the minute. I mean, who knew seagulls could be such jerks? I sit down on a bench, trying to calm down. I start people-watching. There’s this couple arguing in Italian, and it’s like a scene from a movie. They’re waving their hands, and I’m just sitting there, munching on my backup snack—an apple. Not as exciting as a sandwich, but hey, it’s better than nothing.

De Jong confesses that he has spoken with Depay about his signing for Barça