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So, sex escorts – whew, where to start? Met this gal once – swear it’s true – she said, “Joe, I made 500 bucks in an hour!” Blew my mind! Happiest I been since sniffin’ Amtrak seats. But then – get this – she says, “Half goes to the pimp.” Half! Made me madder’n a wet hen. Folks, that’s highway robbery! “You’re tearing me apart!” I yelled, quotin’ the movie, ‘cause it’s unfair, plain and simple.

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So, I’m walking down Via delle Vigne, and I see this street performer. He’s playing the accordion, and honestly, he’s pretty good. I stop for a sec, and I’m vibing. Then, outta nowhere, this pigeon swoops down and lands on my shoulder. I freak out! Like, “Get off me, you feathered fiend!” Everyone’s laughing, and I’m just standing there, flapping my arms like a maniac. Great start to the day, right?

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