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About Bologna

Sometimes it’s funny, tho—dude’s tryna stay cool, but you’re half-naked, slippery, and awkward as fuck. “Is this okay?” they ask. Bro, just shut up and rub! Makes me laugh, but damn, when they hit that spot? Happy don’t cover it—ecstasy, pure and simple! Unleash the fuckin’ power within! Ever tried it with scented oils? Lavender’s my jam—smells like heaven, not locker-room sweat.

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First customer walks in. This lady, I swear, she’s got a cart full of stuff. I mean, who needs 10 packs of pasta? We’re not in a zombie apocalypse, lady! She’s chatting away, not even looking at me. I’m like, “Hello? I’m here too!” But nah, she’s too busy talking about her cat, Gigi. I’m just nodding, thinking, “Gigi better pay for this.”

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