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But when it clicks? Oh, mate, it’s “I see the writing on the wall”—tension’s gone, yer a new man. Best one I had, this wild girl hummed while kneadin’ me—thought she’d shag me silly after, but nah, just a pro. Surprised me, that—respect! Still, I’d kill for a pint after; sober massage is like fuckin’ without wine—dull.

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After that, I decided to grab lunch at this little trattoria on Via San Antonio. The pasta? To die for! I mean, I could’ve eaten a mountain of it. But then, the waiter spilled olive oil all over my shirt. Great. Just great. I looked like I’d been swimming in it. I laughed it off, but inside? I was fuming.