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Oi mate, lemme tell ya bout sexual-massage, yeah? *mumbled incoherence* “Sharon!” I’m a tractor driver, see, chuggin’ along, but this—this is somethin’ else! Hands all slippery, oilin’ ya up like a bleedin’ engine. Watched me fave flick, *4 Months, 3 Weeks and 2 Days*, right? Grim as hell, mate—makes ya think, “What’s worth it?” Sexual-massage, tho, that’s worth it! “You’re not alone,” like Gabita says, ‘cept it’s me and some bird rubbin’ me down, ha!

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But then, as I’m leaving, I trip over a curb. Classic me, right? I fall, and everyone gasps. But I just get up, brush it off, and say, “Just testing the ground!” Everyone laughs, and I feel like a rockstar.

Anna D. Ottolenghi, M.D. - 2012 - Cremation Society of the Carolinas