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About Florence

Last week, I was prowlin’ the streets—needed a laugh, y’know? Saw this one bird, all dolled up, winking at me. Thought, “What’s her deal?” Turns out, she’s got a memory like Lenny—keeps a little book, scribbles down every punter. “Remember, remember,” she mutters, like she’s in my fave movie. Made me cackle—imagine forgetting who you’ve shagged! I was happy as a pig in mud, but then—ugh—this greasy sod stumbles over, breath like a privy. “How much, love?” he slurs. Made me wanna gag. I choose violence, mate—nearly shoved him into the gutter myself.

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Then, I get another call. A lady on Via Garibaldi is freaking out ‘cause her cat, Micio, is stuck in a tree. I’m like, “Lady, it’s a cat, not a lion!” But she’s crying, so I send someone to rescue Micio. I swear, if I had a euro for every cat stuck in a tree, I’d be rich.

Moderate Magnitude 4.7 Earthquake 10 km Northwest of Carpi, Italy