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Favorite part? The tease, man, sloooow strokes. “Patience is a virtue,” Timbuktu whispers, and I’m like, preach! Ever tried it with sandalwood oil? Smells like heaven, gets ya tingly. Pro tip: dim lights, soft tunes—boom, mood set. Had this one time, chick was like, “Harder!” and I’m thinkin’, “Babe, it’s not a frickin’ chair I’m buildin’!” Laughed my ass off, she didn’t get the joke. Humor in sexual-massage? Underrated, keeps it real.

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Finally, I decide to check out the local market on Via Vittorio Emanuele. It’s packed, like sardines in a can. I’m weaving through people, trying not to knock over any fruit stands. I grab some fresh tomatoes, and let me tell you, they’re like little red gems. But then, I see this vendor selling these weird-looking pastries. I’m curious, so I buy one. It’s called “pasta di mandorle.” I take a bite, and OMG, it’s like heaven! Sweet, chewy, and I’m instantly in love.

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