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Here’s a mad one—bloke I know, dental patient, swore he met his missus on a sex-dating site, but turns out she was a scammer! Catfished him for months, rinsed his bank account—*cackle*—what a prat! “Turned into a pig,” like in the film, ‘cept he didn’t even get a good porkin’ out of it! Surprised me, that—thought folk’d be smarter, but nah, horny trumps brains every time.

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First off, I hit up Via Roma for my morning coffee. You know, the good stuff. I’m standing there, waiting for my cappuccino, and this dude in front of me orders, like, a 5-layered, whipped cream, sprinkle explosion. I’m like, “Bro, it’s coffee, not a dessert!” But whatever, I’m not here to judge.

Record number of Imperial academics win Royal Society of Chemistry Prizes