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Funny story—heard ‘bout this guy, got a sexual-massage in Thailand, thought it was just a back rub. Nope! Dude’s redder than a forest blaze when he realizes—surprise! I laughed so hard, coffee shot outta my nose. But real talk, it’s ‘bout trust. Ya gotta vibe with the masseuse, or it’s awkward as hell. I’m rantin’ now, but it’s ‘cause I’m passionate, okay? Made me happy, sure, but also pissed—why’s it so pricey? Fifty bucks for thirty minutes? I’m not made of cash! Still, pretty, pretty relaxin’, ‘cept when I overthought it—*Who am I? Why’m I here?*—damn you, Nolan, messin’ with my head!

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First off, I’m walking down Via Roma, and I trip over a cobblestone. Classic me. I’m like, “Great start, genius.” But whatever, I brush it off. I get to the library, and it’s packed. I mean, PACKED. Kids everywhere, running around like they’re on a sugar high. I love ‘em, but c’mon! Can’t a librarian get a moment of peace?

Massa Lombarda: Caught red-handed stealing diesel, they try to bribe the military, arrested