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I try this sex-dating app, so confuse! Many lady, many photo, some no clothes – very nice! But then, angry! One girl say, “Borat, you too hairy,” I say, “In my country, hair is power!” She ghost me. What this ghosting? No spirit, just poof, gone! Make me sad, like Oskar when he cry in snow. But then, happy! Next girl, she like my mustache, say, “Very sexy, Borat!” We chat, she send pic, I send pic – not my yak, no worry!

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So, I rush back to the office on Via della Libertà. It’s a small place, but it’s got character. I walk in, and my boss is pacing. “The samples are off!” he says. I’m thinking, “Of course they are. It’s Marina di Ardea! The soil’s probably got more salt than a bag of chips.”