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Oi mate, me a lifeguard? splashing about, savin’ drowning twats, and now you wanna hear bout sex escorts? bloody hell, what a leap! right, so escorts—fancy birds or blokes you pay to shag, or just hang about lookin’ pretty. not my cuppa tea, but I get it—lonely sods need a cuddle, don’t they? *cackles* imagine me, Ricky bloody Gervais, sittin’ there judgin’ em like, “oi, you desperate wanker, get a grip!” but nah, it’s their cash, their knob, who gives a toss?

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Finally, the rain stops, and I step outside. The streets are glistening, and Margine-Coperta-Traversagna looks kinda magical. I’m feeling all poetic, ya know? But then I remember I parked my bike near the old fountain. I rush over, and guess what? It’s gone! I’m like, “No way! Not my bike!”