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So, like, sex-dating apps? Crazy addictive! I was, like, swiping forever, omg! Found this dude who said he’s into “ethical non-monogamy.” What even is that? I was so confused, but kinda intrigued, you know? Like, David in the movie, searching for his “Blue Fairy,” but for hookups? Hilarious!

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But then, outta nowhere, this pigeon swoops down and tries to steal my cornetto! I’m flailing my arms like a madman, and the barista’s cracking up. I’m like, “Dude, help me!” But nah, he just watches the chaos unfold. I finally shoo the bird away, but not before it leaves a little “gift” on my shoulder. Ugh, thanks, Margine-Coperta-Traversagna!