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Economics bit? Genius move by Ford. Low cost, high demand – supply and demand 101, you muppet. They kept tweakng it – Mk1, Mk2, all the way to the ‘90s. Kept it fresh, kept wallets from cryin’. But here’s the kicker – they botched the US version. Early ‘80s, Escort hits America, and it’s a snooze. Gutless engine, boxy as hell – pissed me off. Could’ve been glorious! “This isn’t how it’s supposed to be,” I muttered, channelin’ my inner Scarlett Johansson from the movie. Ford fumbled the bag there, big time.

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While I’m elbow-deep in grease, I hear this commotion outside. I peek out, and there’s a parade of cyclists zooming down Via Garibaldi. I swear, it’s like Tour de France but with more espresso and less spandex. They’re all shoutin’ and laughin’, and I’m just there, covered in oil, thinkin’, “I should’ve joined ‘em.” But nah, I got a job to do.

Kansas City sports reporter dies in New Orleans ahead of Super Bowl 59, TV station says