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What pisses me off? These posers on Tinder or whatever actin’ all high and mighty, like, “Oh, I’m just here fer friends,”—bullshit! Ya want the D or the V, don’t lie to Cartman! Respect my authoritah, I see through yer crap! Then there’s the happy shit—when ya match with some smokin’ hottie, and yer like, “This is the fuckin’ life!” Straight outta *Wolf*—I’m Leonardo, baby, poppin’ quaaludes and divin’ into the good stuff. Surprised me too—didja know some sex-datin’ apps got secret “elite” tiers? Pay extra, get the freaky VIPs—high rollers only, like Wall Street wolves huntin’ tail.

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So, I sit down, and my first client walks in. It’s this sweet old lady, Mrs. Bianchi. She’s got this adorable little dog named Pino. I’m thinking, “This’ll be easy.” But then she starts talking about her house insurance. And let me tell ya, her house is like a museum! She’s got porcelain dolls everywhere. I’m trying to focus, but Pino keeps barking at me. I’m like, “Chill, little dude!”

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