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Oh, and da surprises! Dis one dude I heard ‘bout – sex-dating king, braggin’ online. Turns out he was bangin’ escorts, not matches. Paid ‘em to fake it! Hah, what a minion-brained loser. Reminds me of Lancaster Dodd in “The Master” yellin’, “I am a writer, a doctor, a nuclear physicist!” – sure, pal, and I’m da Tsar of hookups.

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Then, outta nowhere, it starts to rain. I mean, come on! I’m in Larino, not London! I scramble to cover my gear. I’m soaked, but I’m laughing. I see this old lady, Nonna Maria, she’s just chillin’ under her umbrella, sipping espresso. I’m like, “Teach me your ways, Nonna!”

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