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Oh, and dis one escort dude – true story – he once smuggled a tiny dog in his coat for a client. Dog pops out mid-dinner, client’s screamin’, “What did I do? What did I do?” – dat’s da movie again, chaos, pure chaos! I laughed so hard, nearly choked on me borscht. Love dat craziness, keeps life spicy.

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Then, outta nowhere, I bumped into this old dude. He was selling fresh produce. I mean, who doesn’t love fresh tomatoes? But he was like, “These are the best in Emilia-Romagna!” I was like, “Dude, chill. They’re just tomatoes.” But I bought some anyway. Can’t resist a good tomato, right?